I had a mini revelation yesterday–one that, on one hand, seems very obvious, and on the other hand seems so mindblowing and…well, revelatory.
I had been praying in recent weeks (months, years…) for more of a servant’s heart. In my line of work especially, it’s easy to get frustrated with people and to resist doing even extremely trivial tasks simply because it “isn’t my job”.
This carries over into my home life too. I sometimes find bitterness creeping into my heart when I do yet another task that no one else ever seems to tackle but me.
I WANT to not mind, I WANT to be joyful in serving my roommates, coworkers, and the passengers on my planes…but it’s just so HARD to give and give and give some more, gaining nothing in return.
But that’s what servant-hood is.
So yesterday, the day of my revelation, I was vacuuming. One of my roommates recently moved out and the last item they were going to take was their vacuum. So I was doing one last run through with the vacuum before we no longer had one. I vacuumed the stairs, my room, the hall…and then I came to my other roommate’s room and office. I knew I didn’t HAVE to vacuum her stuff. Heck, I had plenty of excuses ready-made in my mind for why not to: she might find it intrusive (super weak. I knew she wouldn’t mind), she was going to be home later that night and could do it herself (but our other roommate might need to take the vacuum before then), and lastly, I just didn’t WANT to.
But then a small little voice in my head whispered one word: “SERVE”
Sometimes I like to act like that little voice isn’t really God, but this time I knew it was.
So I listened and obeyed. I did the vacuuming, and as I was finishing up, the revelation came:
This whole time, I’ve made excuses for my lack of servant-like behavior, saying to myself “I’m praying for more of a servant’s heart but it’s obviously not happened yet, hence why my attitude is so crummy”. But maybe a servant’s heart comes FROM serving, and is developed–and therefore, given–rather than something to be waited for. I was waiting to have a servant’s heart so serving would become a joyous thing rather than a begrudging thing. But maybe, like the fruits of the Spirit, it’s something that God develops in you AS you serve, causing you to eventually, through serving, find more and more joy in the act.